Some time ago I noted that I love my clients so much. I am a coach, and having kicked off my coaching practice in 2009, I listened to hundreds of clients in many hundreds of hours. I often think with admiration and love about many of them and wonder sometimes whether I am so blessed with the most adorable human beings who come and talk with me.

One day I was struck by profound clarity: I like them because I listen to them. I really do understand their thinking, their considerations, their reservations, their conclusions and above all their ability to grasp a deeper understanding of what is going on in their life and their mind. I gained deep respect for their inner processes, their honesty with themselves and me, and their wisdom.

When I work with teams or boards of trustees, their most notorious problem is pressure. Time pressure, near burn-out, urgency – you name it. Now, dear friends, clever as you are you think: That’s their thinking! Well I agree. But do you really want to start there? Preaching and teaching and confirming what they think anyway – that they’re wrong? I don’t. And I found something that works mysteriously well.

I suggest to them to go through their heavy agendas and pick the one or two items which mean a lot to them and are important to all members of the team or board. And then I encourage them to do one complete table round: Everyone speaks. All others listen. No one is ever interrupted. Afterwards there is a "free floating" discussion.

We greet and thank Nancy Kline who developed an incomparable culture of listening for the workplace. Check out https://www.timetothink.com/.

Have you noted? We often don’t really listen because we listen for something. We want to hear the proof of what we were suggesting – and that works. Or we listen to show someone we appreciate them. Friendly nodding, we’re are so busy showing our support that we hardly get what the other is saying. Or we pretend to listen but will seize the first opportunity to tear apart the other’s point of view.

This is not what we’re talking about here. We would like to suggest another approach: Listening with not much on your mind. No specific purpose besides really getting what the other would like to tell you.

Have you ever wondered why we don’t have a culture of listening? Why are we not interested in what the other would like to tell us?

I don’t know. Just have a few suspicions: We may not want to listen because nobody ever listens to us. Understandable! We also may remember situations where people laughed about what we said. They did not take us seriously. Hmm. Not exactly helpful for a culture of listening. In addition, we listen all day – to colleagues and bosses, to celebrities and politicians, to videos and television. Why then listen to a boring human being in the neighborhood when there are so much more exciting things to watch and to listen to?

But couldn’t we be the first ones to turn this around? Couldn’t our listening today have a domino effect? Can we listen so well that we find pure joy in understanding another human?